HOLIDAY DECISIONS

Thanksgiving is almost three weeks away. Some for us who are grieving discover that, once again, there is a dread to the holidays. Conversely, depending on the length of time from the loss of a loved one, there is also hope for new joy and great memories.

Last year the holidays were the catalyst I needed to reach out for help. I knew that gender specific groups who identified with like hurts, hang-ups and habits worked for healing. I never quite understood why the groups were so effective. But what I have learned, after thirty-one years in Celebrate Recovery, is that there is power in these groups. So I reached out to some widows to zoom once a week, and it changed my grief process completely.

If you are grieving, I would suggest you do everything you can to find a support group for the holidays. You may find that your grieving family is not your best option at this time. There are decisions to be made that might be too difficult for them as well.

For me, the hardest decision in grief was do I: keep the traditions with John the same, get through the holidays with everything being completely different, or a combination of the two that might not make sense to anyone.

Here’s an example from me. John bought all of his “girls” a heart-shaped dish for Valentine’s Day several years ago. I left it out for a long time and then decided, to keep it special, to set it out on my coffee table from mid-January to mid-February. I didn’t put the dish out for February 2022. However, I decided today that I would like to put some of the left-over mini-chocolate bars from Halloween in that candy dish. When the time comes, I’m going to put Christmas candies in it as well. It won’t make sense to anyone else why my Valentine memento is filled with other holiday candies. But it works for me!

Last year and this year, I have chosen a combination of some of the traditions John loved while also starting to make brand new memories.

Planning your approach to the holiday seasons will make everything easier for you and your loved ones. I encourage you to begin to reach out to people who are safe, “get grief”, and will let you talk through your decisions. You will discover the “power of the group” and you may decide to keep these groups a part of your lifelong journey.

What decision is the hardest for you regarding Thanksgiving and/or Christmas?

Philemon 1:7, “ Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.”