BY MYSELF
I like my windshield super clean, I mean not a speck on it, because I like to see very clearly where I am going. When I mentioned to my daughter, Laura, that I needed to refill the solution in the car—again—she said she needed to have a photo of it.
I’ve been filling up that windshield wiper container for months. But she said, “this is something Dad used to do, and now you’re doing it by yourself!” She said it as if I should feel proud of myself and I guess I am. However, each time I take on something John used to do, I feel sadness along with the relief that I can do this “by myself.” It reminds me how different my life has become.
When we hear of the loss of a spouse, we rarely think of the longterm subtle changes that happens in their lives. Like many things in life, we don’t understand the ramifications until we find ourselves in the exact situation.
For the millionth time, I’m grateful that I connected with widows around 8 months after John passed away. They get it! We share often of the things we do that our husbands used to do: using a weed whacker, replacing lightbulbs throughout the house, doing our taxes, hauling trash cans to the curb, and tightening screws so the cupboard doors shut tighter. With each chore, the memories come flooding back.
Our current Life Healing Choices Grief Groups are making strong connections with others suffering the same loss. They are forming friendships with others who “get it”: grieving mothers, fathers, daughters, widows, widowers, and grandmothers. Would you tell others about the connections found in these groups?
Grief has certainly changed my life. But I am grateful for so many wonderful things I am experiencing. In a deeper way, I rely on Jesus to get me through the tough days. I get to see my daughter in a new role. She helps coordinate Life’s Healing Choices Grief Groups and encourages me to not give up. I have close relationships with every single grandchild. I am starting to plan adventures: going to Tulsa in November, for example.
I have so many safe, strong, courageous women in my life who understand my struggles and the victory in doing it “all by myself”. We don’t see as clearly where we are going nowadays, but we’re moving forward together!
1 Corinthians 2:9, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived, the things God has prepared for those who love him.”