Cooking for 1…

The best things about a Celebrate Recovery Open Share Group are discovering that “I’m not the only one, and I am not alone!” And then there’s the sharing that makes me think, “Someday I will get there!”

Last Saturday, one of the women in my grief group shared that she was having a hard time cooking for just herself. Me, too! In 51 years, I started cooking for 2, then 3, then 4 and now just for one.

I am surprised I never thought about how difficult it is to eat and cook after losing a loved one. People bring dinners to us in the early days when we can hardly look at food. I never knew the struggle to cook would continue during the months that follow the loss. I know men cook nowadays, but I’m pretty certain that this is a new skill many widowers need to take on.

Cooking for myself is often a no-win situation. If I make myself something healthy, I remember how John would tease me about “rabbit” food. He would push the vegetables aside as he ate the rest of his meal. He would laugh as I lectured him on the importance of getting the most out of his diet. Now when I fill my plate with salad and vegetables, it’s so hard not to think about those moments.

Waffles and pancakes were John’s favorites. I made them often during his cancer treatment, against my better judgement, knowing they would be swimming in butter and syrup. But I loved the look on his face as he took that first bite, and the predictable compliment, “CC, I know how much you really love me when you make waffles for me.” Eating a meal that isn’t good for me makes me miss him so much.

I’ve eaten a lot of scrambled eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches or bowls of oatmeal for dinner. Like my friend in the group, often I just don’t feel like going through the trouble. Sometimes we codependents forget that we need to take care of ourselves, too.

Fortunately, another woman in our group often talks about the lessons she has learned when she didn’t remember to “self care”.

I love being a part of my grief group where I identify with someone else’s struggle and think, “me, too”. I also love being in a group with someone who is a little further down the road in healing to inspire me to remember that someday, “I will get there.”

If you know someone who has been in grief for a while, maybe now would be a good time to invite them out for a meal. If your friend doesn’t go to CR, you could invite them to be a part of our safe groups.

1 Corinthians 10:31, "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”